People & Permaculture by Looby Macnamara

Author:Looby Macnamara
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Permaculture
ISBN: 9781856230896
Publisher: Permanent Publications
Published: 2013-02-19T16:00:00+00:00

It is imperative for our children to learn how to self-regulate and establish their own limits rather than these being enforced by the parents. If as parents we are continually saying ‘that’s enough of that, no more this week’ it can become draining for us, and they then might just binge when they have the opportunity, either behind our backs or later in life. If they can agree reasonable amounts like five hours of television a week, and learn to stick to them it can save a lot of tiring debates and provides a useful lesson on self-regulation.

When we give feedback we sometimes attach non-related consequences. We say ‘don’t jump on the sofa or you can’t go to your friend’s house’. This makes it difficult for the child to process the actual message, because they are distracted by working out the connection and whether they want the consequences. Faber and Mazlish2 talk about ‘natural consequences’, the actual ramifications of the event, what will in fact happen if you jump on the sofa; ‘it might break; you will give me a headache; you could knock over the plant next to it’. When shown the natural consequences they are more able to process the information and alter their behaviour appropriately.

Within families feedback can come about very quickly; young children do not store their feelings, they immediately let you know what is happening for them one way or another. We can create a culture where everyone is listened to and constructive feedback can be given and received. This also means being open to receiving feedback from your children about what they would like to be different in your behaviour. Parenting is a two-way process of learning and growth.

Our children unconsciously mirror our behaviour, needs, emotions and past. What is niggling us about their behaviour may well represent something in us. It is therefore important for us to look to our own behaviours and emotions for clues about how to regulate ourselves as a starting point for bringing things back on track within the family.

As detailed earlier, giving feedback in terms of appreciation is a valuable way of creating positive change.

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